They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
