Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
