i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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