I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
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