I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
