I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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