I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
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