I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
