I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
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