First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
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