Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
