That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Congratulations! We have a period
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
