Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
she smelled like a LAN party
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
