Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
