So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
