I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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