Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
What drink are we having for lunch?
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
