I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize