I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
My ass is underappreciated
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
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