Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
