I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Randomize
