I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
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