Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
