you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
