She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
