Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
