but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize