i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
