At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Randomize
