His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Randomize
