She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
