Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
