Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
