Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Randomize