i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
