So drunk, too bad you don't want this
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
