Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
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