$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize