If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Randomize
