Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
