My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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