OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
