I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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