I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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