This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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