how hairy? two words: wookie tits
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
