My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
