Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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