I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize