On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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