she looked like the before picture.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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