so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
