sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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