i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I'm at about main and main street
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Randomize
