Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Randomize
