Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Randomize
