Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Randomize
