Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Randomize
