party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
