my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
