I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Randomize