remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Randomize
