I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
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