'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
