and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Randomize
