Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize