drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
