i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Dicks are not precious.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
