I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Randomize
