We won't sleep together?
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize
