Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
not ubering you a puppy
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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