youre lurking in front of me
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
