you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
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