Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
