Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
