never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
