McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize