I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
