Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Randomize
