Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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