So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Randomize
