try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
