Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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