in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
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