You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
