I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
