So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
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