I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize