At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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