this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize