I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
