I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
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