I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
