His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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