It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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